It’s the eve of a new life sciences year, and we’ve got our party hats on. What does that look like at STAT?

Um, it means we’re back to crafting cringe-worthy rhymes that rhapsodize some of the more notable events of the year past.

Here are this year’s life science limericks! (For 2018’s offerings, click here.) 

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On human-pig chimeras

Have a heart sir, quoth the wee swine

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Why please sir, oh yes sir, take mine!

But sir, hold the cumin

My organs are human!

For transplant — not for sir to dine.

 

On recalling Zantac

What to do for the fizzle and roil 

When refluxing guts sour and spoil?

From Zantac, an answer!

(Then worry of cancer)

What antacid is worth that turmoil?

 

On Ubiome

“Let us seek out a way to insure

A windfall in human manure!”

Thus a fraud was conceived

Til the feds got all peeved

Now its dung bug home tests are no more

 

On CRISPR babies

A consensus from CRISPRing peers

Sparked by global CRISPRing fears:

Temper havoc we wreak

Lay off the germ-line tweak

And let He sit in jail for three years.

 

On BMS’s $74B buy

Bio’s ever-unquenchable urge

Is to mingle and muddle and merge

Allergan and AbbVie?

Wed for sixty-three B

(Just the second-place industry splurge.)

 

On China

Investors now look yon to the east:

A biotechnological feast!

But science in China 

Means stateside angina 

Its competitive vim is a beast

 

On Pelosi’s pricing plan

Pharma’s in the midst of conniption 

From Pelosi’s pricing prescription

Her bill’s passed the House

But Trump has a grouse

That could prevent the bill’s fruition

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