It’s the eve of a new life sciences year, and we’ve got our party hats on. What does that look like at STAT?
Um, it means we’re back to crafting cringe-worthy rhymes that rhapsodize some of the more notable events of the year past.
Here are this year’s life science limericks! (For 2018’s offerings, click here.)
On human-pig chimeras
Have a heart sir, quoth the wee swine
Why please sir, oh yes sir, take mine!
But sir, hold the cumin
My organs are human!
For transplant — not for sir to dine.
On recalling Zantac
What to do for the fizzle and roil
When refluxing guts sour and spoil?
From Zantac, an answer!
(Then worry of cancer)
What antacid is worth that turmoil?
“Let us seek out a way to insure
A windfall in human manure!”
Thus a fraud was conceived
Til the feds got all peeved
Now its dung bug home tests are no more
On CRISPR babies
A consensus from CRISPRing peers
Sparked by global CRISPRing fears:
Temper havoc we wreak
Lay off the germ-line tweak
And let He sit in jail for three years.
On BMS’s $74B buy
Bio’s ever-unquenchable urge
Is to mingle and muddle and merge
Allergan and AbbVie?
Wed for sixty-three B!
(Just the second-place industry splurge.)
Investors now look yon to the east:
A biotechnological feast!
But science in China
Means stateside angina
Its competitive vim is a beast
On Pelosi’s pricing plan
Pharma’s in the midst of conniption
From Pelosi’s pricing prescription
Her bill’s passed the House
But Trump has a grouse
That could prevent the bill’s fruition